Friday, July 30, 2004

UH 1...UH 2...UH 3...

Often with the running around and the craziness of everything, I forget why I love living in this city. It's days like today that I stop to remember...a last minute Cubs game...cramming into public transpo at 2:10 to still make the 2:20 game. Today was a great has been stressful and a joy sucker but i fell into last minute tickets and was able to sneak out early to enjoy the classic confines of top it off...we won...

Every days, a great day for a ball game. Posted by Hello

Tuesday, July 27, 2004

I don't know who this kid is...but he's cute. Posted by Hello

What a place to be dunked? Posted by Hello

Baptism Sunday 2004 Posted by Hello

Baptism Sunday 2004 Posted by Hello

Baptism Sunday 2004 - Lake Michigan Posted by Hello

"That is it, I have found it, I am in Hell"

I'm home tonight...the cable is out...and the democratic convention is on all local stations.

Monday, July 26, 2004


3:30 am After tossing and turning a bit, I have a sudden urge to get out of bed...i do so and for some reason walk right out of my bedroom and down the if I am headed there to get something...I walk straight to the front door and for some reason check the lock...its unlocked...I am in disbelief because I always lock the door when I close it behind me.  I look around to key possible rapist hiding places and didn't see any so I go get back in bed...trying to remember why I went into the living room in the first place...i can't recall...decide that I have to get back up this time and turn the light on to make sure that I didn't just unlock the door instead of locking it...its locked...
I realized this morning that I was awake and not dreaming this...what made me get out of bed...and what in the world made me check the front door?  I would have never dreamt (no pun intended) that the door would have been unlocked.

things that go bump in the night...

Tuesday 4:00 am a crashing noise wakes me up...i lay frozen in my bed...i sleep with my door cracked just slightly to keep the porch light from shining in my i can't even view down the hall to see if i notice anything...i lay there...still...trying to justify the noise...trying to decide what i am going to i ignore it and stay where I I get up and find the source...i lay there...listening...for breathing...for foot steps...for subsequent crashes...nothing...i decide there is no way i can lay there and just fall back asleep...i creep slowly down the hall...flip on the kitchen light...look around...nothing...check out any crack big enough for an the dishes in the sink to see if something could have settled and crashed...nothing...i know that i heard a crashing noise...after all it did wake me up. I decided that it had to be the dishes in the sink to pacify i turn around to crawl back in bed...but i stop by the bathroom on the way back...there it floor of the heart races...i'm filled with anger...the suction cup on my razor holder lost its suction...

Sunday, July 25, 2004

Some times you gotta just get up and dust yourself off...

I got back out on the roller blades again...the first time since 'the incident' last month.  Although the blurry images of hurling though the air were still in my mind, i felt like I had no other choice but to get back out there.  It was Baptism Sunday at my church...7 am Sunday morning on the lake front...easiest, quickest way together while sleeping as long as possible was to break out the blades.   I did indeed, and found my new favorite time to roller one's traffic on the road to the lake or on the lake front at 6:45 am...just me...the ipod...and I...cruising down the was cooler then usual...the 'Jesus rays' peaking through the clouds...the city before me...the beach,  freshly drug...with no foot prints....and 45 lives to be changed with a quick dip in the lake.  As we almost silence for a group of 300 people...watching as each and woman hand in hand...son with his father...mother...daughter...friend...the old...the young...enter into the water...this year with a chill in the air and the waves rolling wouldn't stop any of them..."find me in the river...find me on my knees...I've walked against the i'm waiting if you please...we've longed to see the roses...but never felt the thorns...and bore our pretty crowns...but never paid the price...find me in the river...find me there...find me on my knees with my soul laid bare...even though you're gone and I'm cracked and dry...find me in the river...i'm waiting here."  ~Delirious?

Saturday, July 24, 2004

The Single Life

Often confused with 'The Simple Life' ... as I sit here at 3:08 pm on Saturday afternoon I look back at what I have accomplished this morning...I got up at 10:45, talked to my mom till 11...laid on the couch for an hour...made breakfast, ate... made deviled eggs and sweet tea...not sure why...but kinda was feeling like both.  Laid back on the couch...watched TV for another couple of hours...fell asleep...woke up..watched the Cubs game...  I don't know how everyone else views my day, but it has been for me its be a perfect day...I've done what I wanted, when I wanted and nothing more...and as I was talking to my mother this afternoon I think I scared her b/c I enjoyed it so much...the first thing she said..the longer you live alone, the harder it will be to live with someone what?  then shouldn't I enjoy this time to the fullest?  I think her big fear is that I will like it so much I will never marry...but even for all the 'wonderful' things i hear about being married...i think the same thing can be said for being single.  I'm not saying that I never want to get married...thats not really it, its just about being happy where I'm at...would she rather me call her crying and whining to her that i'm so sad I'm all alone and I'm never going to find anyone...i doubt it.  Right now I have really been blessed with contentment, with being a strong independent girl who can take care of myself and doesn't mind spending a day doing everything I want...but I also think I have the capability to love, and to share it with another person, and i think thats a pretty good place to be.

Friday, July 23, 2004

The saga continues...

my life, a living soap opera, not self appointed either...friend appointed... this week is one of those weeks that you leave...never wanting to remember again, yet never able to forget.  It pretty much started going down hill on Wednesday.

Wednesday 7:15 am  Got up, got ready to go
Wednesday 7:37 am  Head out the door
Wednesday 7:45 am Arrive at train station...start getting migraine, turn around, go home
Wednesday 11:30 am  Crawl out of dark cave...with a 'workable' headache
Wendesday 3:59 pm Boss sends Instant Message...wants to chat...
Wednesday 4:00 pm Phone rings for interview for job I really really would like to have
Wensday 4:01 pm Dodge boss
Wednesday 4:22 pm Finish interview...Unsatisfied

Thursday 9:00 am Team meeting
Thursday 9:37 am random annoucement in team meeting that 'tulsa most eligible bachelor is being taken off the list...after all he got engaged this past weekend'....m.e.b. being my ex boyfriend...from 7 months ago...hes engaged...engaged...OMG is all I can say at this point
Thursday 2:00 pm No news about job...
Thursday 4:00 pm  The 'news' about 'mr. mostselfappointedmosteligiblebacheor of the crazies' sets in...i broke it off so I shouldn't even have an opinion...but it does sting a little...that for being 'in love' with me, I was so easily and quickly replaced...cheapens it a bit..stings...replay of the last few weeks of the 'relationships' starts going through my head...cheapens it even more...go home..who can work at this point?

Friday 4:07 pm  Blogging...No call......probably one of the only circumstances where no good is never good news.  How glad am I that its Friday?

Why Georgia...why?

Thursday, July 15, 2004

The Waffle House

So I haven't posted in a while...I have blogged in my head on various occasions the last week but never actually sat down to let it out.  So here it goes...
spontaneity is not my forte, and those that know me love and respect me for this...okay fine it mainly drives people nuts.   I was on vacation all week last week, and although I had a great week, I felt like doing something out of the ordinary for me.  So Last Friday, within 10 minutes, I bought a plane ticket, packed a bag, headed out the door, and hitched a ride (not with a stranger or anything) to 'the nati'...I don't do things like this, its not in my nature.  Now I had considered the possibilities earlier that I really can't proclaim unadulterated spontaneity.  Baby steps though right? 
A weekend at the Jones is always a good get away from me.   I'm not sure why but I feel it is a great escape.  Maybe its the life without rules and regimented schedules that is freeing to me...who knows.  I arrived late Friday night, and at 1am Steve and I went to the Waffle House...ahhh, the Waffle was my first visit...Steve is convinced that I hated it...he is wrong.  Although with first impressions the word 'dirty' comes to mind...I am able to get over it...the Waffle House is like its own little world...kinda like a time warp...with the retro fixtures still in place since the joint opened.  There's something about it...about stepping back into the old 'diner' ....who would have guessed the small rectangle resturant that sites off the side of the road at most interstate exits would have quite so much bells or whistle...2 baskets of eggs...just a all night...serving breakfast.  The clientele, the wait staff, the famous 'waffle'  (which really would have a hard time beating a eggo in my book), crispy bacon, hot coffee, 2 friends, living differant lives, having breakfast in the middle of the night...maybe spontaneity isn't that bad after all.

Thursday, July 08, 2004

I can't sleep...

i should be tired...i shopped at a 'quaint' little town in west bufoo ALL day with my mom and sister...left at 9:30 got home about 7pm. I thought maybe it was the large dunkin donuts coffee I had for dinner...but that was almost 6 hours ago. I have already tried to lay down and find myself staring at the ceiling...praying...thinking...looking at the clock to see no time has passed...praying...finding a good song on the ipod...thinking a little more...maybe i'm over tired...maybe the second wind has kicked in and I need to ride it out...i don't know. I'm worried about a friend...worried that work is falling apart and will be a disaster when I get back on monday...worried that i may harm my mother if she tries to analyze every male friend i have in my life as a potential husband...these are all things going through my head as i stare at the ceiling. I know worrying isn't going to fix any of these things and is not what i need to be doing with my concerns but i'm having a really hard time doing much else...but find it funny that out of the thousands of songs that i have on my ipod..Jars of Clay, I Need You is playing...
Strangely out of place
There is a life filing this room where no one would follow before
I can't deny it burns me up inside
I fan the flames to melt
Away my pride
Do I want shelter from the rain
Or the rain to wash me away?

I need you, I need you, I need you
I need you, I need you, I need you
You're all I'm living for

I might sound like a fool
But I think I felt you moving
Closer to me
Face to the ground
To hide the fatal cut
I fight the weight
I feel you lift me up
You are the shelter from the rain
And the rain to wash me away

Face to the ground
To hide the fatal cut
I fight the weight
Feel you lift me up
Can't deny it burns me up inside
I fan the flames to melt away
My pride
Only had a second to spare
But all the time in the world
To know you're there
You are the shelter from the rain
And the rain to wash me away

I need you, I need you, I need you
You're all I'm living for
All I'm living for
All I'm living for
All I'm living for
You're all I'm living for

Do I want shelter from the rain? Or the rain to wash me away? Why is that question so hard some times when the answer seems so clear?

Wednesday, July 07, 2004

4 days in..

so i am 4 days into my week vacation and i have only checked my work mail once and that was only b/c i said i would send some guy some information on Friday and I never sent it so I sent it on Sunday. I thought i was going to have a hard time keep myself away and feeling guilty about it...but actually, i don't even know where my laptop is and have no care if I ever find it again...EVER. In fact i hope it gets trampled on or thrown out the window or maybe even drowned in the hot tub. Instead of making myself stay away from it, I'm repulsed by the fact that i may have to turn it on next monday. Its beautiful thing really...well at least for another 5 days...then i may have a problem.