its raining...its pouring...

it is December 30th its 55 degrees and it is pouring cats and dogs outside...and i get to curl up on the couch, stay up late and watch a movie...in my new boots...okay just kidding.

I try to keep up with fashion with out blending in with the crowd. For Christmas I got these heart rain boots which I picked out. I wore them to work this week and one of my friends says...'Those boots are so cute, but I could never pull them off"...she could never pull them off, I asked her what that meant, she said they were to bold and she doesn't like to make a statement...the reason I asked her that is b/c I seem to get this a lot...ever since college people have been telling me things I wear are cute but 'only me' or 'they could never pull it off'. Does that mean that what they really mean is that its not cute...after all they wouldn't wear it. I guess it doesn't really matter b/c it has never stopped me from wearing anything. I love my new boots...and it happens to be raining so if you're looking for me...I'll be playing in a puddle.  

Biggest Disappointment of 2004

Men. You may think I'm just saying that b/c...well my luck with the male folk has not been the best it has ever been in 2004. But, with the help of my 'relationship advisor' I have really focused on putting myself out there more this year...if nothing else just building friendships with guys, listening to girls stories about guys and just observing them in general and I have to say I'm sadly disappointed in the male species this year. Personally, I have been hurt on quite a few occasions this year in my relationships/friendships with guys, often times by those whom I never thought would hurt me. Lied to, left, harassed, pushed aside for no reason...mostly just treated with a lack of respect and caring. Sadly, many of my girlfriends have shared similar experiences or can follow up one of my stories with one of their own. I had one girl tell me just today that she thought it would get better as we got older and is finding that has been far from the case.
Even after the disappointment I have felt this year...I'm finding myself losing that tight hold of contentment in my singleness that I once held so firmly in my palm. What a scary thought. Surely there is more out there then what I've experienced the past 12 months.

Today I Quit My Job at IBM

For the first time I feel good about posting this. I have known for about a month now that this day was coming yet was not ready to make a public announcement until it was official. Considering Big Brother is always watching I never felt comfortable with posting any great detail about my job search but today I quit my job, with my favorite LARGE BLUE COMPANY...IBM...it so good to say it out loud. Although I have posted in a round about way about my dislike for this company I can finally say it. It has been a big relief to finally come out and quit. I had mixed emotions the past 24 hours waiting for 8:15 to roll around. I was nervous and happy and excited and sad...my boss was upset and surprised. My timing wasn't the best. I mean it is almost Christmas, there is lots of work to be done and my boss and many other people are trying to squeeze all their vacation days in prior to the New Year. We have the 'use it or lose it' policy here, and it's a shame that most people will lose some vacation and essentially be paying IBM thousands of dollars...they call it 'taking one for the team' I call it crap, but that happens in a lot of companies these days. Anyhow...it will be hard to work the next few weeks. My last official day is January 7th. Luckily, my new job is only a few blocks away and for the few people that I would like to keep in touch with, that will be possible. So that's the story. Goodbye IBM!

Here are some more pictures from the cruise.

Me and Dad 

Formal Dinner 

Me and Grandma 

This is Brano. The guy I blogged about that my parents fell in love with. He's a cutie. 

This comic's been flying around the office and I thought it was pretty funny. 

Working Construction Connection... 

How I spent my Saturday... 

The Greatest Compliment EVER

My mom and I are notorious for the ugliest legs...some refer to them as tree trunks...with cankles that go straight from our knee into our shoe. While on the cruise last week my mom stops and looks at me and said...'Oh my Gosh, I think you may have a little bit of an ankle'...I almost teared up. I have never had an ankle in my whole life. She continued, 'Either that, or your leg is fatter'. Never the less, for the first time in my life, I had an ankle.

That being said, I went boot shopping today...knee high boots...you know why I had to go boot shopping? B/c this winter when I put on my brown calf high boots and I could not zip them up all the way....not just a little..about an inch. So I have been wearing them only zipped half way b/c I love them. So what, maybe my mom was right my leg was fatter..which only cast the impression that I actually had an ankle. I am more upset that I will have to throw these boots away then I am to find out that apparently my calves are apparently way larger then they were last winter...I attribute that to the step aerobics...humor me.

Who knew that boot shopping could be a nightmare...Humiliating...Humbling...I tried on probably close to 20 pairs of boots...do you know how many of those I could zip up over my calves...THREE...THREE OUT OF TWENTY PAIRS. WHO IS WEARING THESE BOOTS....I AM NOT A FAT GIRL. I may not have the best legs in town...okay, i probably could be in the running for one of the worst pairs...but still...some of the boots i could not even come four inches to zipping up all the way...FOUR INCHES. WHO WEARS THESE BOOTS HONESTLY? ARE MY CALVES SO MUCH LARGER THEN NORMAL WOMENS THAT I CAN NOT EVEN ZIP OF HALF THE BOOTS I TRIED ON? I found only one pair that I liked and fit...and I bought them in black and brown b/c i never want to boot shop again.

Googlers

We all do it...i do it...i'm betting you've done it...heck, you're grandma probably does it...yeah even your grandma...Google them...its the background check of the 2000's. The best part is you can google someone and they don't even know that you've done it. You can see the article in the local paper on the high school basketball game he scored 14 points in...you can see the college website they had to make for a programming class...you can even see their college 'Founder's Daughter' speech or a really bad picture taken 2 years ago...You Google the ones you love, the ones you don't, and the ones that you wished loved you....you google them when your bored, when you want to find them, or for no reason what so ever.
Today I was googled...the web counter I use also keeps track of your last 10 'referers' most of the time it's direct hits, those of the people, I'm guessing, that I know and love and who check in to read a new post...sometimes I get hits from people searching google for Quarter Live Crisis or John Mayer...but today was different...and all though they didn't use 'Google' ...i can see that I have a googler...and although I have done it multiple times its a strange feeling to be on the other end...the googler may even be reading this if he/she found anything worth returning for (which I'm not holding my breath about) but if they are...will the real Yahooer please stand up? Unless you happen to be tall, dark, and handsome...then feel free to also leave your phone number.

AHOY!

I'm back from Sea and although I am on shore...the room is still swaying as I write this. Funny thing is that I never get sea sick on the boat but the 3 days after I get off I feel like a drunk sailor.
It seems like a bit of a dream now that I'm back. The 7 days aboard the Caribbean Princess were much needed but now that I'm back I realize its the same issues and stresses that I have...they were just postponed a week. It probably was not my favorite cruise thus far but it was still great and we had a lot of fun. I think the highlights were probably the pool side jumbo-torn that played some great new and old movies day and night....the great food, which I ate a lot of....and the good looking foreign waiters. Of course there was also Brano....the waiter my parents met on the same cruise back in May. My mom fell in love with they guy, and would have liked to bring him hope for me back then. They thought he would have been gone by the time they got there this time because he really hated it...but he was there, and he remembered them. She was right, he was a sweet heart...and a smooth talker, and he only had 4 more days on the ship...it was his last week. I'll have to post a picture later.
As for now, I'm exhausted and am going to bed...I can't even reread this so if it is not readable, sorry.

A Jewish Carpenter

On the eve of my cruise, as I finish packing last minute things and cleaning up my apartment, that dreaded feeling sweeps over me...the thought of the four words that I will, no doubt, be asked by at least half of my 14 family members I will be joining on these 7 joyous days at sea...'Are you dating anyone?' Seems innocent enough but for any single person reading this you understand how not fun it is to say 'No' and how even more not fun it is to hear their responses..the 'You just haven't found the right one' or the 'I'm sure you'll find someone soon' or even better the 'I have this neighbor who has a brother who's son's, wife's, cousin's, co-worker would be perfect for you'. I was on a few short weeks from being able to answer 'YES!' to this question, and I can honestly say to you that this very thought was on my mind 3 weeks ago when things seemed to be going somewhere with Mr. Blind Date. I already know my grandma, God bless her, thinks my standards are to high...(this coming from a woman with 2 daughters with a boat load of failed relationships and marriages, and who has some sort of 'freedom' after a 59 year marriage to my grandpa after his passing). Little do they care that it is very possible that I have the highest income of my graduating class (proving a point here, not being arrogant about this) or that in 3 years I've received 2 promotions...that I'm financially stable and able to survive in the big city alone.
I heard a message once on this topic from a author who wrote a book for Christian singles. She said we always have a 'Yes' answer to this question...something along the lines of...Are you dating anyone? Why yes, he's a Jewish Carpenter, always with me, always providing for me, and he loves me more then anything in the world...it went on and on...is she JOKING? Does she know my cousins? Does she honestly believe that this would help the situation at all? Clever as it may be..that ain't going to fly. I think the cracks on that would be far worse then the lesbian jokes I'll guarantee I'll get because of my single status.
I know that I shouldn't care about what they all think and that saying 'No' to the dreaded question is far from a crime, after all I'm only 25...and who know's, 'the one' really could be around the corner...or the hot waiter serving me a cold beverage...but then again, even if he's not...there's IS always the Jewish Carpenter.

Condo Shopping...

So I bit the bullet and started condo shopping today. It took me 6 months to buy a 500 dollar TV...Lord help Rob my realtor. We visited 7 places today and the only word that comes to mind is Overwhelming. I only found 2 that I think I would have the possibility of buying...the sad thing is, that living in Chicago a lot of other things come into play. If I saw these 2 places I would probably have put an offer down on it today...but there other factors that are often over looked by home owners out side of the city...parking spots, laundry, public transportation, condo fees, safety, high rise, low rise, vintage, new development, location, location, location...if i could combine aspects of all of these places I would have a winner. It was only my first day so I can't be frustrated about it but I have a feeling this may be a long journey.

Guys may be jerks...and that should have stopped me...

Wow its been a frustrating couple of weeks with the men in my life here in Chicago. I'm tired of making excuses for them...and I wish I could say it was only one individual...but pretty much all of them are irritating me. The cruise is only 2 weeks away and I think that it can't get here soon enough. 7 days in the middle of the ocean might just do me some good.

Where is everyone...

THIS POST IS NO LONGER AVAILABLE.

A New Laptop...finally...

Believe it or not...my 'not always so favorite' Blue company forked over a new laptop...brand spankin new....w/a wireless connection and a burner....you would think they are trying to keep me around or something.

Test Rat...

So I'm officially a test rat for a new migraine medicine. Since my headaches are pretty bad, I am usually up to hearing different options for my migraine cures and what not. So my doctor asked me if i wanted to be a part of a new 'test program' to test a new migriane solution not yet approved by the FDA. Sure! Why not...but then I start thinking...is this the best idea? I'm going to hold my breath... let a gas penetrate my nasal cavities for 90 seconds...7 times for 2 hours and see what happens? Why not?

A response from the male 'friend' 2 posts ago...

"Hey Emily...that guy looked a lot like me! I went to Sunday...without costume, as you may have noticed...it was last minute, otherwise I would have called you...but I didn't feel right about asking you so close to the time to leave."

Is that all he's got?

Guys may be jerks...but that hasn't stopped me...

So I have been quiet about my blind date...he has a name, and I could share it but since we have only been out twice I feel funny referring to him by his name on the web...so he remains 'the blind date'. We had our second date on Thursday and things are still good. I'm not building up walls, dodging phone calls or freaking out yet...so in my book that means it's going well. Maybe the reason that I'm not going crazy is the fact that things are progressing really slow...maybe its because I actually have interest in him....either way I'm happy about it. I'm going with him to a party for his best friends dad on Friday and I'm a little nervous about it but it should be fun. So that's the update on the blind date...

I've come to the conclusion...ALL men are jerks...

I'm not going to apologize to my male readers for the title of this post. B/c whether you want to fess up to it or not...I'm sure you are a jerk...I think I kinda always knew but had faith in a select few of you. I was hurt today by a friend of mine. Perhaps I shouldn't have been but I can't help but feeling this way. Maybe its by who it came from, maybe it was what he did, maybe its the way I found out, maybe its all of those things...I don't really know. I asked a friend of mine if he was going out Sunday night and wanted to know if I could grab a ride with him if he was, he told me that was fine and that it wouldn't be a problem as long as the person he was riding with was going to go. Fine...fair enough. WELL...he later tells me that he didn't hear from his ride and that if he does he will unlikely go b/c he's really tired, he will call me if he does though...later comes...no call...I'm sad but I understand so I let it go...fast forward 5 days...I'm surfing the web, lookie here, I find pictures from the Halloween party...looking...smiling...surfing.....back the freaking bus up....low and behold what do I find...a picture of my "friend" at the Halloween party he was too tired to attend. Some men I would expect this from...this individual, I would have never ever thought he would have lied to me like that. I'm pretty sad about it. Why lie? I just don't understand...

Hillary for Prez 2008!

Halloween in the city...

Halloween in the city is unlike Halloween any where I have ever experienced. I have lived here for 3 years and I can not recall being in the city on the weekend of Halloween before. Tonight was a perfect spooky night...overcast...windy...a chill in the air. The kind of Halloween in horror movies. As I headed out tonight, it was around 9 pm...as I walked down the stairs and out the front gate I am suddenly self conscience of the kitty whiskers painted on my face, ears and tail. But its Halloween right...its okay, people understand right? As I continue to give myself a pep talk, the address to the party I was going to blew out of my hands...nearly disappearing...very creepy. After finally finding it and head down the sidewalk to hail a cab, my self conscience fades. To my surprise, there are more people with costumes on then in regular street clothes....I am not the minority here. In fact, it was more costumes I had seen in years. Unlike the normal suburbian Halloween where it's all about the kids, people were out and about, having fun...laughing...spilling out of bars and apartments, overflowing cabs, drunk dialing their friends as they walk down the street (yes we witnessed this) and it was such a fun feeling, to be apart of it. Even as we headed down Halsted tonight, the spirit of Halloween spilled into the streets...costumes not quite as polished as they were 6 hours ago, still didn't stop the fun...after all we got an extra hour tonight anyway.
Someone told me tonight there are just as many, if not more, Halloween parties in Chicago as there are New Years Eve parties. I'm not sure I would have believed him before tonight...but after being out I think it is absolutely true.

***Best Costume of the night***
I would say it was a pretty close. So in the category of best costume I would have to give it to a guy who dressed as Mr. Incredible ...it was dead on. But in the category of most creative, I have to give it to my friend Jonathan Wilcox. He dressed as Babe Ruth's ghost with a sign around his neck that said "Moving to Chicago" ...I thought it was hilarious.

Get a Life....

So I did it...i had my first blind date...after almost 3 weeks of anticipation the day had come. We originally scheduled a 'lunch' date during the week...quick and easy...but because of some 'circumstances' that popped up on Friday when we were originally suppose to go, we postponed it to Saturday. It made me a bit uneasy not having an excuse to have to leave after an hour...but instead of my original attitude of 'this is never going to work out' ...I decided to just go with it. We started by going to lunch at 12:30 at a little place called Toast and from there headed to the zoo, walked around, talked and basically just enjoyed each others company the whole afternoon. I think in the spectrum of blind dates it went really well and I think there is a very good possibility we will go out again.
There is a reason this post is titled 'Get a Life' however...during my little date today my phone rang...and rang...and rang...not to mention those on the call list of those who I needed to update after the date...and although I appreciate, more then anyone could know, the thought of so many people loving and caring about me...I have a strange feeling that there are a good handful of people living their lives vicariously through me....and although I have no problem sharing my stories...I have to say...get a life people!

I couldn't have put it better if I would have wrote it myself....

Blind Date

Wendy Jones has told me numerous times that she would love for me to sign up for the show Blind Date. For those who have never seen the show 'Blind Date', it basically sets up 2 individuals that is doomed for a tragically hilarious all day date. Most of the time its between 2 people that would never ever go out with each other for the enjoyment of the masses to witness...all the while, inserting amusing, sometimes embarrassing, pop up boxes commenting on the situation. On occasion, against the odds, the couple hits it off...but most often it ends in what I'm guessing is a one night stand. The reasons for her wanting me to go on this show, I have never quite understood, other then the fact that she thinks it would be hilarious...I'm guessing she is right, yet I really don't think I want, what would probably be my the most embarrassing day of my life, broadcasted on national television.
Friday afternoon I am going on my first real blind date, and I have very mixed feelings about it all. Two weeks ago I came home from work and had a message from a friend that I hadn't heard from in about 6 months. About a year ago, when I just started dating he who shall remain nameless, this friend came to me and randomly asked me to write down my contact info along with what I do both professionally and for fun...I thought this was strange so I asked her why I was doing this. She said she likes to set people up...and although she didn't have anyone in mind, if she ever came across someone that thought I would be a good match with she would let me know...I was hesitant, but she was a new friends so I kindly told her I just started dating someone but she could keep it for future reference. When I heard the message a couple weeks ago, I knew exactly why she was calling...and it happened to be on a day in which I was just complaining about relationships/or lack there of in general. How could I say no on a day that I was just complaining about this? I have no right to complain if I don't put myself out there....so here I am, 2 weeks later, awaiting my first blind date. I don't think that it has fully sunk in that I am going to actually do this. I have talked to my blind date to be, and he seems like a really nice guy, but the unknown is a scary thing. 'Lunch dates' are the new thing...the way to go, and since we work by one another that's the plan. Easy out...if its a train wreck. So, Wendy Jones, although it won't be an all day date, TV cameras, or pop up boxes...this is about as close as it will ever get to 'Blind Date' for me...but if you would like to come sit in the next booth over at the small diner we plan on feasting at Friday, you are cordially invited.

Chicago weather...

Yesterday we experienced one of our coldest days in Chicago this fall...The wind was whipping, the sky's were cloudy, the sun, no where in sight...I had to kick the heat on...strange when it was in the 70's once this week. I'm sad to see the Chicago summer go, its one of the best things about this city...baseball, open front/side walk restaurants, summer dance, the lake front...sometimes its the only thing to keep you going on those long cold winter days...today however, as I sit on the couch, watching football, drinking some coffee...I think to myself that I'm okay with it turning cold...after all, there's not much that I need to do today and I don't feel guilty for sitting here indoors and not being outside, as I often do on beautiful summer days. I realize that this is just the beginning and by March I'll be longing for one of those beautiful summer days, and that I need to savor those nice days when I get them in the month of October...but I think I'm ready to embrace those lazy days of winter, it has been a busy summer.

After the debate tonight....this is all I have to say...

Click Here

For the record...

sdj...Lincoln received the injury prior to coming to see me....

Adventures In Babysitting

So I watched my favorite toddlers, Kobe and Lincoln Jones, all day on Saturday...and although I was looking forward to it i was a bit nervous that all day would be a very long time. In the end it was a great day. The boys were very good and made it easy for me which I was very happy about. We played at the park, chased pigeons, went to the zoo, and even took a nap. I have lots of great stories from the day but I think my favorite happened at the end of the day. After coming home from pizza last night and being in and out all day, we were all piling in my place one more time to get all of their stuff...Kobe was behind me leading the rest of the pack...and as everyone waited for him at the door, I turn around to see what the hold up was...I see Kobe taking his shoes off...LOL...monkey see, monkey do...as we all watched him...Wendy goes, "Your mom would be so proud"...she's not the only one.

Kobe had a good nap in my bed w/ some friends...

I'm 25 but the sight of a short bus still makes me laugh....

vice presidential debate

A lot of bickering tonight (okay so it took me a while to finish this post) on the vice president debate...so much so I didn't even really want to hear it but one thing did give Edwards a big points in my book....outsourcing...the big bad word of the 21st century. Which is kinda funny since i'm in the 'Business Transition Outsourcing' area of my favorite blue company..the outsourcing i'm concerned about is the 'off shore' outsourcing.... where a lot of the technical jobs are going. Edwards said they are against it and all for taxing the companies that do it and had some good stuff to say about the job market in general and I didn't fell Cheney had much to say about it. Other then that...pretty uneventful...

Bus Tours

So my parents, who are relatively young and hip, decided to go on a Bus Tour to Cape Cod. They left Sunday morning and were in the bus for about 13 hours the first day, stopping ever 2 hours for a bathroom break in between 1940's music and Abbott and Castello sketches , and 8 the next day. The first words out of my moms mouth were that she has never seen that many 'gray hairs' in one place at one time ever in her life...a man at a shop they went to asked my parents friend how they got there...and she told them she was on a bus tour...the man replied...'You're to young to be on a bus tour...never do that again!'
Here is an e-mail from my dad...
Subject: Helpppppppppp
Howdy Girls, Get me out of here. The old people were roaming the halls at 4:30 this morning and their luggage was down it the lobby and 1 1/2 hours before the bus was ready to leave. Not sure I can take another day of Hardy's, McDonolds' Arby's Burger King, with the long lines waiting to eat, and they can't make up their mind. Well there is always the Abbot and Costello comedy hour to look forward to on the bus, or the old 40's music piping in. On to Monday and Cape Code. Love, DAD XOXOXOXOOXOXOXOXOXO

Overall they are having a good time...it has been an experience if nothing else.

Why I Can't Be President...

It's not that I'm a female...its's not because I'm single...it's not because I know nothing about politics..it's because I could not last 5 minutes in a presidential debate...I'd probably jump over my podium and strangle my opposition....ugh...i don't that I've ever watched one in the past but I'm already annoyed...I don't really know who I'm going to vote for so I sat down this evening hoping that the debate may help me decide who I was going to vote for...so far Kerry's big cheesy Crest White grin when saying 'where do I start' in the things Bush has done wrong...Bush stumbling with words...pointing fingers at each other...having to wait your turn to talk back...holding your tongue when the other candidate is talking for their 2 minutes...grrr...John Kerry is talking to the proctor...why isn't he talking to the camera..to America...ugh...Kerry and that cheesy grin...like a shady car sales man (no offense to my car sales men friends)...I don't know if I will last the 90 minutes...

Tonight I have my first official Tap Dance Lesson!

Renewal

Spiritually stagnant is probably what I would call my walk right now. Lots of motions...not lots of emotion...this week has been different. Sunday night I went to the Gathering, the evening service at the jones church in Cincinnati...with about the first 3 cords of 'you alone', i was filled with the presence of God that I hadn't had in a long time...i didn't see it coming and i was emotionally overcome...the kind of tears that start flowing and you don't know why and you really don't care b/c it feels good, and you can breath a sigh of relief b/c of it...because he is there, and thats all that matters...sdj, the spirit was moving sunday night...

This week I made a worship play list and have been listening to all week...and when i was running this week, 'you alone' came on and i just wanted to close my eyes and twirl in circles and sing 'I'm alive, i'm alive, i'm alive, i'm alive' over and over...b/c he alone IS father, and he alone IS good, and he alone IS savior, and he alone IS God...how can that get stagnant?

The dirty secrets of the BIG company that has me feeling BLUE

We have been getting "new" laptops at work...that come with only USB ports and do not accomidate our PS2 mice. My favorite company in the world won't replace the mice...so individuals have been pulling together to buy $7 connectors (cause they get cheaper if we can get more people to purchase) so we can each have a working mouse...which we must pay for ourselves...as of now, these are not reimbursable.
*Big cheap company name withheld for job security reasons

Chaos Day festivites were held today. Once a year 20Somethings gets togeter for a little competitive sport. I'm sad to say that the green team lost our 2 year winning streak...now if i can just get this pint out of my head before I go dancing... 

love it

I had to post this...a guy from my church signed his e-mail

Living on a prayer...(Bon Jovi 3:16)

I thought it was hilarious.

No Longer Shaping Lives and Changing Culture

my Milligan College founders daughter speech no longer comes up when i'm googled...i'm am relieved i no longer am held to my plan of shaping lives and changing culture, the vision for all Milligan Grads...

What's going on?

There has been some strange things happening to me the past couple of days...on 2 different occasions I've seen men in Lincoln Park and Wrigleyville dressed in a long black capes...not like sissy capes either...like heavy, long gothish capes...I was 2 inches to the right from having a full beer dropped on my head off the upper deck at Wrigley on an already chilly night (everyone thought it was concrete falling it was so loud it seriously sounded more like a brick then a full beer)...I got a full body bear hug from a drunk guy on the street at 11:30 pm last night and he really didn't want to let go....i'm getting a sty on my eye which I haven't had in like 10 years...houston just won like 10 in a row and the Cubs lost yet again to montreal...I'm not sure if there is a full moon tonight but i'm guessing its very possible.

The Wrath of the Red Head

For those who know me, perhaps lived with me...know that I am NOT a morning person. Although I'm not proud of it, my roommates in college would not even wake me up for Saturday brunch, my family would fight over who had to get me up....for those who have seen Bruce Almighty with Jim Carey, there is a scene where he's in bed and his alarm clock goes off..and he flops around in his bed, kicking all over the place b/c he doesn't want to get up...its very funny...but maybe only b/c that is how I feel every morning.
So I have this neighbor that lives in the next condo over. His alarm clock goes off and off and off for over an hour...this has happened for months now...not ever morning but I would say 2 or 3 out of 5...AT 5:45...all along I figured he travels for work and forgets to turn his alarm off, so when it goes off and no one is there to shut it off...so i have been giving him the benefit of doubt...UNTIL this morning...as I lay in bed at 5:55...mumbling obscenities under my breath...i listen..there is a pause for a few minutes and it goes off again...for 20 more minutes...a pause....and again for 20 more minutes....HE'S NOT OUT OF TOWN...HE'S IN THERE, HITTING THE SNOOZE BUTTON...HE'S JUST LAZY....this is the last straw...at 6:30 I dart out of bed scribble a note (turned out to be a whole page...not sure what all I said...) and hung it on his door...next time...I'm busting the door down...the wrath of the red head can not be tamed much longer...IT'S WAR!
Oh and I'm pretty sure when Jesus said that whole thing about "Love thy neighbor" they didn't have alarm clocks so I think I can get off on a technicality.

the hint he wouldn't take...

he called...he e-mailed...he called again...he e-mailed...he called one more time...can't blame a guy for trying i guess...but trying and trying and trying? I finally had to lay it on the line. He claimed he wasn't looking to jump into a relationship right away...yeah but I didn't want a relationship period...
A friend gave me the 'rejection hotline' number to use in future situations...i don't think I could ever do it but it's hilarious. The Chicago number is 773-509-5027 but to find a number near you try...... The Rejection Hotline

TV's and Tap Shoes

My parents came up to spend the weekend this weekend. They brought up some furniture I bought last weekend, a shelf and a TV stand. Which also gave me no excuse to postpone the purchasing of a TV which I had been doing for about 6 months. So I sucked it up, I picked one, and I am now am the proud owner of a 29 inch Toshiba flat screen....a far cry from my 19 inch tube TV. Its a whole new word.

I also made another purchase this weekend...tap shoes! I have wanted tap shoes for about a year but figured if I bought them i would never wear them. Well...I happened to find a almost brand new pair at a resale shop down the street for 5 bucks...and they were my size. I'm very excited and the instructional video is in the mail. I'm sure the neighbors will love me but hey, I live next door to the 'piano man' so I'm not to concerned. Yeah!

Ego Protector or Mean?

So Friday lunch date called me today. Although he's a nice guy and we had a good lunch, it was stale...my indifference continues. So we chat...although we both know where this is going. So he says he knows I'm busy this week but maybe we can hang out again some time, maybe a weekend...obviously trying to dodge another lunch date. So I said yeah...this weeks not good...he said, okay just give him a call. Sure...but probably not.

QUESTION: Am I doing him any favors, by not spelling it out for him...or should I lay it on the line? I kinda feel like I'm protecting his ego by avoiding that conversation, am I kidding myself? Is it better I not call and let him get the hint...or is that mean and it would be better if I paint the picture? Insight requested.

India

"I was trying to find stuff to talk about today, it was a
slow news day, so I found this. On this day in 1492,
Columbus set sail from Europe, looking for a sea route to
India - and ended up in America. And ironically, if you
make a call from Europe to a company in America today -
it's re-routed to India." --Jay Leno

Lunch Dates & Swingers

what a day...what a week really. One of those weeks that you don't even know what you did all week. Work has been crazy but on top of that my recent increase in encounters with the male species has been a bit of a suprise. Tuesday, guy number 2 from 2 posts ago, called...the one I met in the piano bar. I gave him my card...so cliche, I know...but he asked for my number and rather then give him my personal 411 ...plus it only has my work number, and what were the chances that he would actually call? Well apparently pretty good because we went out to lunch today. He's a nice guy and we do have things in common so it went alright. Wasn't really feeling anything there besides a friendship but considering the drought, beggers can't be choosers right? Note to any single male listeners...when you ask a girl out..its your responsibility to plan the goings on. Ask her if she has some where that she would like to go, if not, be a man, suck it up, and pick some where. Take the reigns, show her that you can make a decision, make it look like at least some thought went into it...

Swingers....well one 'Swinger' in particular...referring to the guy number 1 from 2 and 3 posts back. So I gave up on him...there is something about him and other girls feel the same way...there is something about his eyes...they are beautiful and there is something about dancing with him that makes you feel like...well I can't put my finger on it but what ever it is, most guys will never have. But the problem is that 3 posts ago, I gave up on him. I don't fight girls for men...its not going to happen, its not my thing, and if there is any fighting being done, it should be over me. So my attitude has changed toward him...from one of googly eyed to one of 'whatever'...so I backed off... lost interest....I was not defeated by these other girls, I just wasn't going to be one of 'those' girls...and then tonight, the tables turned a bit....without me even trying...he paid more attention to me tonight then he had in weeks...or ever for that matter. I don't think 'playing hard to get' works in most situations but apparently it worked tonight without me even knowing it...whatever it is...I'm not complaining...b/c as i see it...interest or not..that boy can dance.

Why I will be single forever...

So every time my Aunt sees me she tells me how wonderful her neighbor is and how she would love to set the 2 of us up. For months and months I have been hearing about Paul...Paul this, and Paul that...Pauls a cop, Pauls so good looking, Paul cooks, on and on and on and on...tonight she gets online..."Hey Coey (dont ask, thats her nickname for me)took your senior picture outside tonight to show my cop friend" MY SENIOR PICTURE being the key phrase there...7 YEARS AGO! 7...that was 1997, actually 96 when I actually got the pictures taken...i had bangs...i had bad taste in clothing...i don't even think i wore make-up...the only people that like their senior pictures are those that still think high school was the best 4 years of their entire life...embarrassed doesn't even really cover it.

2 notes of interest...

Guy from last post called about 10 minutes before I was to walk out the door on Saturday night to go out...why is it when you give up...you are lured back in?

Note of interest number 2, a guy asked for my number Saturday night...and although I'm not convinced we would be a stellar match...it was nice to be asked.

I guess I was wrong...

About a month ago, some of you know, i thought i found my husband...i think i was wrong. he wasn't really my 'type' but he was VERY good looking and a great dancer, and for those 2 reasons alone, i thought we had something...it was apparent tonight that several other girls had the same gut feeling...and though I still think he's beautiful..its the eyes...i feel its not worth the battle...and if its not worth the battle...he must not be the one...

ipod...the sound track of life...

My ipod...my new best friend...comes with me everywhere...on the train, on the walk to work, on my lunch break, at the office, basically everywhere I go. My favorite moments with the ipod are those when a song comes on that is perfect for the current situation. Some of the best moments...'Independent Woman' as I step on the elevator and through the office doors...'Footloose' as I step off the elevator heading home ("8 Hours? For What?")...a good ole Frank Sanatra tune as I walk around downtown...'It's a Beautiful Day' on the way to the lake front on a hot summer day...its moments like these that I can't even remember what life was without the ipod...but who would want to?

It's raining concrete...

No concrete fell at Wrigley on Friday. Although tons of people were wearing hard hats mocking the situation which I found very funny. I tried to find a picture to post but I was unsuccessful.
The nets that were put up were not a big deal. Pretty much just over the heads of those in the sky boxes...you wouldn't have even noticed if it wasn't for the ruckus.

UH 1...UH 2...UH 3...

Often with the running around and the craziness of everything, I forget why I love living in this city. It's days like today that I stop to remember...a last minute Cubs game...cramming into public transpo at 2:10 to still make the 2:20 game. Today was a great day...work has been stressful and a joy sucker but i fell into last minute tickets and was able to sneak out early to enjoy the classic confines of Wrigley...to top it off...we won...


Every days, a great day for a ball game. 

I don't know who this kid is...but he's cute. 

What a place to be dunked? 

Baptism Sunday 2004 

Baptism Sunday 2004 

Baptism Sunday 2004 - Lake Michigan 

"That is it, I have found it, I am in Hell"

I'm home tonight...the cable is out...and the democratic convention is on all local stations.

dream?

3:30 am After tossing and turning a bit, I have a sudden urge to get out of bed...i do so and for some reason walk right out of my bedroom and down the hall...as if I am headed there to get something...I walk straight to the front door and for some reason check the lock...its unlocked...I am in disbelief because I always lock the door when I close it behind me.  I look around to key possible rapist hiding places and didn't see any so I go get back in bed...trying to remember why I went into the living room in the first place...i can't recall...decide that I have to get back up this time and turn the light on to make sure that I didn't just unlock the door instead of locking it...its locked...
I realized this morning that I was awake and not dreaming this...what made me get out of bed...and what in the world made me check the front door?  I would have never dreamt (no pun intended) that the door would have been unlocked.

things that go bump in the night...

Tuesday 4:00 am a crashing noise wakes me up...i lay frozen in my bed...i sleep with my door cracked just slightly to keep the porch light from shining in my eyes...so i can't even view down the hall to see if i notice anything...i lay there...still...trying to justify the noise...trying to decide what i am going to do...do i ignore it and stay where I am...do I get up and find the source...i lay there...listening...for breathing...for foot steps...for subsequent crashes...nothing...i decide there is no way i can lay there and just fall back asleep...i creep slowly down the hall...flip on the kitchen light...look around...nothing...check out any crack big enough for an intruder...nothing...search the dishes in the sink to see if something could have settled and crashed...nothing...i know that i heard a crashing noise...after all it did wake me up. I decided that it had to be the dishes in the sink to pacify myself...so i turn around to crawl back in bed...but i stop by the bathroom on the way back...there it is..in floor of the shower...my heart races...i'm filled with anger...the suction cup on my razor holder lost its suction...

Some times you gotta just get up and dust yourself off...

I got back out on the roller blades again...the first time since 'the incident' last month.  Although the blurry images of hurling though the air were still in my mind, i felt like I had no other choice but to get back out there.  It was Baptism Sunday at my church...7 am Sunday morning on the lake front...easiest, quickest way together while sleeping as long as possible was to break out the blades.   I did indeed, and found my new favorite time to roller blade...no one's around...no traffic on the road to the lake or on the lake front at 6:45 am...just me...the ipod...and I...cruising down the lakefront...it was cooler then usual...the 'Jesus rays' peaking through the clouds...the city before me...the beach,  freshly drug...with no foot prints....and 45 lives to be changed with a quick dip in the lake.  As we sit...in almost silence for a group of 300 people...watching as each individual...man and woman hand in hand...son with his father...mother...daughter...friend...the old...the young...enter into the water...this year with a chill in the air and the waves rolling in...it wouldn't stop any of them..."find me in the river...find me on my knees...I've walked against the water...now i'm waiting if you please...we've longed to see the roses...but never felt the thorns...and bore our pretty crowns...but never paid the price...find me in the river...find me there...find me on my knees with my soul laid bare...even though you're gone and I'm cracked and dry...find me in the river...i'm waiting here."  ~Delirious?

The Single Life

Often confused with 'The Simple Life' ... as I sit here at 3:08 pm on Saturday afternoon I look back at what I have accomplished this morning...I got up at 10:45, talked to my mom till 11...laid on the couch for an hour...made breakfast, ate... made deviled eggs and sweet tea...not sure why...but kinda was feeling like both.  Laid back on the couch...watched TV for another couple of hours...fell asleep...woke up..watched the Cubs game...  I don't know how everyone else views my day, but it has been for me its be a perfect day...I've done what I wanted, when I wanted and nothing more...and as I was talking to my mother this afternoon I think I scared her b/c I enjoyed it so much...the first thing she said..the longer you live alone, the harder it will be to live with someone else...so what?  then shouldn't I enjoy this time to the fullest?  I think her big fear is that I will like it so much I will never marry...but even for all the 'wonderful' things i hear about being married...i think the same thing can be said for being single.  I'm not saying that I never want to get married...thats not really it, its just about being happy where I'm at...would she rather me call her crying and whining to her that i'm so sad I'm all alone and I'm never going to find anyone...i doubt it.  Right now I have really been blessed with contentment, with being a strong independent girl who can take care of myself and doesn't mind spending a day doing everything I want...but I also think I have the capability to love, and to share it with another person, and i think thats a pretty good place to be.

The saga continues...

my life, a living soap opera, not self appointed either...friend appointed... this week is one of those weeks that you leave...never wanting to remember again, yet never able to forget.  It pretty much started going down hill on Wednesday.

Wednesday 7:15 am  Got up, got ready to go
Wednesday 7:37 am  Head out the door
Wednesday 7:45 am Arrive at train station...start getting migraine, turn around, go home
Wednesday 11:30 am  Crawl out of dark cave...with a 'workable' headache
Wendesday 3:59 pm Boss sends Instant Message...wants to chat...
Wednesday 4:00 pm Phone rings for interview for job I really really would like to have
Wensday 4:01 pm Dodge boss
Wednesday 4:22 pm Finish interview...Unsatisfied

Thursday 9:00 am Team meeting
Thursday 9:37 am random annoucement in team meeting that 'tulsa most eligible bachelor is being taken off the list...after all he got engaged this past weekend'....m.e.b. being my ex boyfriend...from 7 months ago...hes engaged...engaged...OMG is all I can say at this point
Thursday 2:00 pm No news about job...
Thursday 4:00 pm  The 'news' about 'mr. mostselfappointedmosteligiblebacheor of the crazies' sets in...i broke it off so I shouldn't even have an opinion...but it does sting a little...that for being 'in love' with me, I was so easily and quickly replaced...cheapens it a bit..stings...replay of the last few weeks of the 'relationships' starts going through my head...cheapens it even more...go home..who can work at this point?

Friday 4:07 pm  Blogging...No call......probably one of the only circumstances where no good is never good news.  How glad am I that its Friday?

Why Georgia...why?

The Waffle House

So I haven't posted in a while...I have blogged in my head on various occasions the last week but never actually sat down to let it out.  So here it goes...
 
spontaneity is not my forte, and those that know me love and respect me for this...okay fine it mainly drives people nuts.   I was on vacation all week last week, and although I had a great week, I felt like doing something out of the ordinary for me.  So Last Friday, within 10 minutes, I bought a plane ticket, packed a bag, headed out the door, and hitched a ride (not with a stranger or anything) to 'the nati'...I don't do things like this, its not in my nature.  Now I had considered the possibilities earlier that week...so I really can't proclaim unadulterated spontaneity.  Baby steps though right? 
A weekend at the Jones is always a good get away from me.   I'm not sure why but I feel it is a great escape.  Maybe its the life without rules and regimented schedules that is freeing to me...who knows.  I arrived late Friday night, and at 1am Steve and I went to the Waffle House...ahhh, the Waffle House...it was my first visit...Steve is convinced that I hated it...he is wrong.  Although with first impressions the word 'dirty' comes to mind...I am able to get over it...the Waffle House is like its own little world...kinda like a time warp...with the retro fixtures still in place since the joint opened.  There's something about it...about stepping back into the old 'diner' ....who would have guessed the small rectangle resturant that sites off the side of the road at most interstate exits would have quite so much character...no technology...no bells or whistle...2 baskets of eggs...just a resturant...open all night...serving breakfast.  The clientele, the wait staff, the famous 'waffle'  (which really would have a hard time beating a eggo in my book), crispy bacon, hot coffee, 2 friends, living differant lives, having breakfast in the middle of the night...maybe spontaneity isn't that bad after all.

I can't sleep...

i should be tired...i shopped at a 'quaint' little town in west bufoo ALL day with my mom and sister...left at 9:30 got home about 7pm. I thought maybe it was the large dunkin donuts coffee I had for dinner...but that was almost 6 hours ago. I have already tried to lay down and find myself staring at the ceiling...praying...thinking...looking at the clock to see no time has passed...praying...finding a good song on the ipod...thinking a little more...maybe i'm over tired...maybe the second wind has kicked in and I need to ride it out...i don't know. I'm worried about a friend...worried that work is falling apart and will be a disaster when I get back on monday...worried that i may harm my mother if she tries to analyze every male friend i have in my life as a potential husband...these are all things going through my head as i stare at the ceiling. I know worrying isn't going to fix any of these things and is not what i need to be doing with my concerns but i'm having a really hard time doing much else...but find it funny that out of the thousands of songs that i have on my ipod..Jars of Clay, I Need You is playing...
***************************
Strangely out of place
There is a life filing this room where no one would follow before
I can't deny it burns me up inside
I fan the flames to melt
Away my pride
Do I want shelter from the rain
Or the rain to wash me away?

I need you, I need you, I need you
I need you, I need you, I need you
You're all I'm living for

I might sound like a fool
But I think I felt you moving
Closer to me
Face to the ground
To hide the fatal cut
I fight the weight
I feel you lift me up
You are the shelter from the rain
And the rain to wash me away

Face to the ground
To hide the fatal cut
I fight the weight
Feel you lift me up
Can't deny it burns me up inside
I fan the flames to melt away
My pride
Only had a second to spare
But all the time in the world
To know you're there
You are the shelter from the rain
And the rain to wash me away

I need you, I need you, I need you
You're all I'm living for
All I'm living for
All I'm living for
All I'm living for
You're all I'm living for
************************************

Do I want shelter from the rain? Or the rain to wash me away? Why is that question so hard some times when the answer seems so clear?

4 days in..

so i am 4 days into my week vacation and i have only checked my work mail once and that was only b/c i said i would send some guy some information on Friday and I never sent it so I sent it on Sunday. I thought i was going to have a hard time keep myself away and feeling guilty about it...but actually, i don't even know where my laptop is and have no care if I ever find it again...EVER. In fact i hope it gets trampled on or thrown out the window or maybe even drowned in the hot tub. Instead of making myself stay away from it, I'm repulsed by the fact that i may have to turn it on next monday. Its beautiful thing really...well at least for another 5 days...then i may have a problem.

A name is a name is a name...

I stole these websites from a friend of a friend Julia Rock..yes thats her real name...

Pirate Name-Dirty Jenny Bonney
http://www.fidius.org/quiz/pirate.php

Hobit Name - Berylla Bleecker-Baggins of Fair Downs http://www.chriswetherell.com/hobbit/Default.asp

Elvish Name - Itarildë Falassion
http://www.chriswetherell.com/elf/

Hip Hop Name - Queen Vanilla Cube of the underground
http://www.ideazoo.com/things/hiphop.cfm

Jedi Name - HOMEM RESCH of the planet flonase
http://www.xach.com/misc/jedi.html

Jen, this one's for you! 

Looks Like somebod'y got a case of the Mondays...

Peter: What if we're still doing this when we're 50?

Samir: It would be nice to have that kind of job security.
...
Bob Slydell: If you would, would you walk us through a typical day, for you?
Peter Gibbons: Yeah.
Bob Slydell: Great.
Peter Gibbons: Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late, ah, I use the side door--that way Lumberg can't see me, heh--after that I sorta space out for an hour.
Bob Porter: Da-uh? Space out?
Peter Gibbons: Yeah, I just stare at my desk, but it looks like I'm working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch too, I'd say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work.
...
Peter: The thing is, Bob, it’s not that I’m lazy. It’s just that I just don’t care.

Bob Porter: Don’t, don’t care?

Peter: It’s a problem of motivation, all right? Now, if I work my ass off and Initech ships a few extra units, I don’t see another dime. So where’s the motivation? And here’s another thing, Bob. I have eight different bosses right now!

Bob Slydell: I beg your pardon?

Peter: Eight bosses.

Bob Slydell: Eight?

Peter: Eight, bob. So that means when I make a mistake, I have eight different people coming by to tell me about it. That’s my real motivation - is not to be hassled. That and the fear of losing my job, but y’know, Bob, it will only make someone work hard enough not to get fired.
******************************************
I've seen this movie several times...but never has it hit the nail on the head as it has today...its a nice reminder that it's not just me.

a quote

"If you want to make God laugh...tell him your plans"
-Wynnona Judd ~ Chicago Country Fest 2004

frustrations of the male species..

a nice normal guy walked me in the general direction of home on sunday night...whatever that is suppose to mean. i met this guy a few weeks ago and when i met him he was with his friend that dominated the conversation and talked to me way more then he did try as he might...the whole time his friend was talking i kept thinking i'd rather be talking to him...so this sunday, as I'm running late from spending the day w/ my parents...wind blown hair in a pony tail and cubs visor...sit down in the last row in the first available seat I can find...right next to my friend becca...which happened to also be right next to him...although as i stumbled over him I didn't notice him..so we stand for the famous meet and greet...and i turn to him and believe it or not actually remembered his name...i say my name again and he said he didn't recognize me with a hat on...which turns out is a pretty good disguise for me...he did however remember that i worked for IBM and some details I had told about work...so after group, we start talking, and talking and talking...and he asks me if I'm headed to grab ice cream w/ the rest of the group, i am not b/c...well i'm tired, and hungry and want to go home...he says he isn't either...then he asks me how I'm getting home...i say, sometimes I walk, sometimes i get a ride, sometimes i take the bus...he asks me which way I am headed...i say north...he is to, so he says we can head that way together...i am agreeable...so we walk and talk and what not..we hit his place first, he says he's actually going to let his sisters dog out and if i want to stop w/ him to get his keys he'll drive me the rest of the way home...okay...i agree that sounds like a good idea...so we run upstairs, he grabs some stuff and his keys and we head down to his car...we continue talking, having great conversation...he takes me home...says he'll be out of town a couple weekends but should be at church again on the 17th of JULY! Okay, guess I'll see you in a month then...and that was it...an hour and a half and i'll see ya around

was it to much for me to think that he may want to get my number? i'm not talking marriage here people...i'm talking coffee...we had a good night...right...if not he had ample time to get rid of me...i'm not the one that wanted to walk home together...he could have left me when we got to his apartment...i can't figure out if he really has totally no interest...or is just testin the waters...i'm so sick of hearing that though...i got enough water testers...i seriously was not born with the sense of having an sort of idea what the opposite sex is thinking...in fact, i usually am in denial right up to the part before we are actually 'something'... This isn't even a big deal to me...i honestly don't even think that we would have much compatible...he's a nice guy, but he listens to NPR (not that that's a bad thing).. I'm just saying it would be nice to feel 'liked'...to know that i'm not repulsive...that i don't have a third eye or a uni-brow i wasn't aware of...is that to much for a girl to ask for? I don't think so...

Fathers Day and such...

Fathers Day was a success. I tricked my dad into coming up here, telling him i was going to take him to lunch...little did he know that i had inter league Cubs tickets awaiting him. He was so suprised and so excited it was fun to see. Plus the Cubs won.

Ode to Wilma

her name was Wilma Painter...she couldn't have been more then 4 foot 5 but she was the sweetest, funniest, spit firer i ever met...altough we've gone to the same church almost the past 20 years i hadn't really met her until the last couple of years. She was the only good thing about getting up to go to the early service with my parents. Her cute and feisty self was always good for a quick laugh...the things that came out of her mouth sometimes would shock you...she always told me she was going to be looking for someone for me to marry...she said i needed to find myself a hillbilly b/c they were the best (she was originally from Tennessee)...she probably didn't even know my name, i never heard her call me anything but honey...but you couldn't help but fall in love with her...

Wilma was diagnosed with cancer a couple months ago...and late last night she passed away. I will dearly miss her...i didn't know it would affect me like it has..i can't imagine never getting a hug on Sunday mornings...i know she has made the list of those I can't wait to see when i get past those pearly gates...so...So long for now Willma...and send me that hillbilly you were always talkin about...this blogs for you.

i'm turning into her...

No, not my mother...thats already happened...i'm talking about the 40something lady...the one that its hard to determine where work life stops and real life begins...the one who spent her whole life eating, breathing, and living her job...i swore i wouldn't be that lady...but as i stop to look at the past 2 weeks, besides the 40 part... i find frightening similarities...my 3 day a week gym routine has shriveled down to 1 visit in 14 days...i eat at my desk every day...i get there early...am the last one to leave...and as i sit here at 9:43 pm on a glorious thursday evening, it is taking all the power i have to keep my eyes open. i begin to wonder if when i'm 50, fat, and single, i can sue for the crappy work/life balance that the largest three letter computer company in the world provides for my dedicated soul...

...that settles it...tomorrow i will leave early...

church signs..

I saw 2 church signs yesterday that are sure to have them pouring in the door...

The first was in a poor ghetto neighborhood which just adds to the humor:
Tithe if you love Jesus...anyone can honk.

The second I'm ashamed to say was at my home church:
Sign broke...message inside

There you have it folks...2 good ones...

its the little things...

so they installed those paper toliet seat cover dispensers in the stalls of the womens bathroom at work...and sad as it may seem...it made my day...

nothing like eating a little gravel on a beautiful afternoon....

So Sunday I'm laying on my couch all content...watching the Cubs game...dosing in and out of sleep when I am rudely interrupted my by cell phone...i try to settle back in but I can see that is not going to be very easy to do...i then realize that i shouldn't be wasting this wonderful day inside...so i jump up, grab my stuff for the beach and my roller blades and head out the door...i'm cruising down belden, lincoln park in sight when i see the light at the intersection change in my favor...i pick up the speed, trying to decide if i can make it there before i get the hand...when i find myself flying through the air...at this point someone put the slow motion on...i crash to the ground and pause while people, enjoying the wonderful weather, come running from every direction...i'm stunned, they fuss over me...someone finally asks if they can do anything...I say helping me up would be nice...they do so...i turn to look to see what had caused my down fall...a strip of the pavement had been removed and filled with gravel...which i clearly hadn't seen...luckily i had wrist guards on...I'm bruised up a bit, and if it hadn't been for the one piece of gravel that i landed on with my elbow I may have escaped pretty clean...who would have known that one piece of gravel embedded in ones elbow would cause so much pain...i continue to skate towards the lake, only to pause, look at the hole in my elbow before deciding to accept my defeat and return home to nurse my wounds...

i come by it honestly

last week i rode to work with my dad...not an unusual circumstance for me...a normal routine when i spend the night at my parents...thursday on our way to work in the pouring rain he spots it...the north start, the glimmer of hope in the rainy dark morning...gas for $1.89...for that moment the world stopped as he quickly swirved into the gas station...he could not pass it buy, no matter that it was pouring, no matter that the commute was already going to be horrendous, no matter that he got gas on the way to work YESTERDAY, after all this was 5 cents cheaper then he paid the day before...'dad!' i protested, 'i will give you the quarter, please lets go.' 'No,' he says...'I have to top her off' ...we sit there, in the rain, while he gets his 3.75 gallons of gas for $7.09...for a big savings of 15 cents...was it really worth it he asks himself as he gets back in to the car...if he would have kept going and taken the quarter i offered before he stopped, he would have been up 10 more cents...

142nd reason not to date you co-worker...

i got some bad news at work today...a good friend of mine quit...the problem with this is that we shared a lot of responsibilities and helped each other out...our work overlapped in some circumstances...i knew that the news of her leaving meant a double work load for me...there was no doubt that they wouldn't replace her...just expect me to work double...this isn't the bad news...not even close...i got put on a project she was working on...with my ex. i have had to do actual work for him for about an hour in the past 3 years...until now..300+ hours over the next 4.5 months. We are both adults and I do realize that, but I do know that I hurt him and wounded his spirit and I also know that he isn't really over it...we haven't spoke, as in had an actual conversation since the beginning of february (with the exception of 2 cold sentences he IMed me today)...i have said before i do still feel a little guilty for the way things ended, but why this? why is it the past can never stay in the past and that it's always coming back to haunt us? why is it always the one most random thing that you never want to happen always happen? is god out to get me? is he forcing me to deal with things in the past that are better left in the past? do i let it go, keep the next 300 hours of our working experience completely professional without any chit chat about what we are doing on the weekend? what's with the constant drama?

things that go bump in the night...

last night i had a horrible headache...i lay in bed at 2:30 am staring out the window...knowing that it would not be a good morning...after a little help from excederin pm i finally drifted off into a sound slumber...until i heard something...at first i thought it was cicada that got in the house (strange though b/c we don't have cicada's around here right now) so i jump out of bed ready to kill what ever it is...i turn the light on...only the light doesn't come on...strange though b/c i see the time on the clock and if thats working the light should be also...i run to the hallway, flip the switch...it also won't turn on...now i'm freaked out...i finally figure out that i'm only dreaming of waking up...so i wake myself up...only to be a little freaked out about the lights not working...so i get up...decide i'll flip the switch just to reassure myself that everything is fine...there are no bugs...the lights will work and i can go back to sleep...only when i hit the switch the light really doesn't come on...so i'm freaked...i head down the hall...and a man grabs me and throws me to the floor...as i lay there the only thing i can think is that i'm awake...and i know this isn't a dream b/c i just woke up from a dream...and i could feel the carpet on my face and i rubbed it with my hand...if i was asleep i know i couldn't feel the carpet...the man is gone so i get up...i try to hit the light switch but of course it doesn't work...what am i going to do now...i run furiously around the house...surely one of these lights have to work...what has happened...and then i wake up...i am again back in my bed...i wasn't awake...i was dreaming...but am i dreaming now or not? i have already faked myself out twice...as i lay there, heart racing, shaking...i turn over and look at the clock...it's on...but one thing for sure...i can't bring myself to turn the light on...

gay or just metrosexual?

So I went dancing yet again tonight...big surprise right? Anyway, a friend of mine asked me if one of my ex was gay. I asked him why he would ask that...he said he didn't really know the guy but from the times he did see him his gaydar was beeping a bit (okay he didn't put it exactly like that but that's what he meant). He said the way he dressed, the spiky hair with an over abundance of gel...that sort of thing. Hilarious as it may be I think that he may fall more under the definition of metrosexual.

Let's go through a quick exercise shall we?
"young man with money to spend", CHECK
"living in or within easy reach of a metropolis", CHECK
"spends a great deal of time and money on his appearance and lifestyle", DOUBLE CHECK
"where all the best shops, clubs, gyms and hairdressers are", CHECK
"he has clearly taken himself as his own love object and pleasure as his sexual preference", CHECK, CHECK

If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck...its a pretty good chance its a duck. Any questions?

airing my dirty laundry

Tonight I did laundry. Only our machine in the condo building was broken so I was forced to drag all my dirty belongings across the street to the laundry mat. Now on a normal day I would have just been disgruntled and would do it another night...however today was one of those times when you don't have an option on whether you do your laundry or not...when all your emergency unmentionables have been utilized. I don't even know when the last time I washed clothes was...thats how bad it was...so I hauled everything except about 2 pairs of pants that don't fit and a couple unmatching socks, across the street, to share my dirty laundry with the rest of the world. As I sat there, waiting to add the fabric softener in the rinse cycle only...I looked around...everyone in a laundry mat has a story...I can see it in their face...a random group of people...forced in the same building...differant status...differant jobs...Different lives...all here for a common goal...yet I wonder what the man who obviously wears boxer briefs is thinking about as he watches the dryer go around and around...or why the lady in the washer across from mine proudly hangs her bras on the the long pole coming out of the cart with wheels while the other hides hers in a little stack in the corner of her basket...what does that mean about each of them? how about the man that shoves everything he can fit in one washer while the next man sorts very specifically in three Different washers. Which makes me stop and look at my own dirty laundry...what does it say about me?

Don't you hate when you can't play with your new toys?

Apple is already on my bad side. I got my ipod today...only to open it up and find out that I can't use it. I love spending entirely to much money only to find out...oh wait...you need to buy one more stuff before you can even start using the darn thing. I'm sure it said that the USB connector wasn't included...somewhere amongst the small print...but don't you think they should offer it as an option upon check out, after all, most of the world isn't mac lovers... I've talked to a few people who have done the same thing and were a bit annoyed

Last night I lost a filing and got to spend this morning at the dentist...tonight I sit and watch my ipod..uselessly laying there...both cost entirely to much money...and only one is doing its job.

Why can't every weekend be a 3 day weekend?

Well, it's Memorial Day weekend...and I have one more day of freedom before returning to the grind. So far the weekend has been a success. I was able to go out with some new friends on Friday and had a really good night. Most of the day Saturday I spent at home hanging out in the rain...and actually I hate to admit this...but a friend of mine gave me tapes of all the seasons of Dawsons Creek, and because I really only watched the last 2 seasons, I have become addicted to see what lead up to the Pacey/Joey/Dawson love triangle. I think I'm somewhere at the end of season 2 but its really hard to tell considering they all run together (and are all so very much alike...Dawsons with Joey, they break up, they get back together, they break up...you see where this is going). Any how, after watching a few episodes of good ole Dawson, I headed down to Indiana to see my parents...went to dinner...watched the Cubs game with my grandparents...a little time in my parents hot tub...all in all very relaxing. Today we went to church, spent time at my other grandmas about an hour south of here, for the most part tried to avoid being outside what-so-ever because of the horrible storms we have been having. My dad and I played NHL Hitz for about 4 hours tonight...until we both had blisters on our thumbs, it was awesome! Tomorrow I decided to stay down here and spend one more day with my parents...free meals, a movie, what else can I ask for. I hope everyone else is having a great Memorial day weekend...Friday seems like a distant memory...work, a thing of the past...if only ever weekend was 3 days.

As I walked out of my office today I'm a bit giddy...a smile on my face...i feel a bit like skipping, but restrain myself because I don't want this feeling to be ruined by blank 'crazy' person stares. It's the feeling of being in love yet I'm not...maybe its because the sun is shining...maybe its the joy of a Friday with an upcoming weekend before a 3 day weekend...maybe its the ipod that's on its way...I prefer to think its the overwhelming joy of the Lord. I'm overcome with a happiness...a drunkenness persay, my cup runneth over.

Summer and Sunsets in the City

Big props to God tonight...wow what a show. The sunset was amazing tonight. I rollerbladed to the lake front to meet some friends for beach volleyball. It was a tank top kinda night which I never complain about. While playing with the cool sand squishing between my toes for the first time this year, looking straight ahead I see the city surrounded in purple clouds, to my right, the bike path filled with runners, bikers, bladers all with a smile on their faces...the sun setting in the most amazing colors, and to the left we got a cool breeze coming in off the lake...it was one of those sun sets that was good to the last drop. The only thing missing was my camera...I wish so much that I had it with me...its not fair that I can't share the city wrapped in all those awesome colors...one picture and I could have probably paid for the ipod. It was a good night to live in the city...a very good night.

The ipod

I ordered the ipod...its on its way...i did it...i finally did...and it feels pretty good...

Swing: Big Night Out

This is me and my 'relationship' (or lack there of) therapist/great swing dancer/friend Noel and I at the 'Big Night Out' event on Friday. Some random guy was walking around the swing event on Friday taking pictures and putting them on the web to get you to register for some Young Professionals website...i couldn't save the picture unless I 'registered'...HA! I print screened it....na na na na! Register smegister. 

Well, for all of those I took abuse from the past couple weeks for my quilt making...here it is...I have suffered the abuse but I am pretty proud of the final results.
 

Since it is so large it's hard to get a decent picture of it but here is part 1... 

part 2 

Standing Outside The Fire...

We call them cool
Those hearts that have no scars to show
The ones that never do let go
And risk the tables being turned

We call them fools
Who have to dance within the flame
Who chance the sorrow and the shame
That always comes with getting burned

But you've got to be tough when consumed by desire
'Cause it's not enough just to stand outside the fire

We call them strong
Those who can face this world alone
Who seem to get by on their own
Those who will never take the fall

We call them weak
Who are unable to resist
The slightest chance love might exist
And for that forsake it all

They're so hell-bent on giving ,walking a wire
Convinced it's not living if you stand outside the fire

Standing outside the fire
Standing outside the fire
Life is not tried, it is merely survived
If you're standing outside the fire

There's this love that is burning
Deep in my soul
Constantly yearning to get out of control
Wanting to fly higher and higher
I can't abide
Standing outside the fire

Standing outside the fire
Standing outside the fire
Life is not tried, it is merely survived
If you're standing outside the fire

Standing outside the fire
Standing outside the fire
Life is not tried, it is merely survived
If you're standing outside the fire

-Garth Brooks

I really have wanted to write lately but nothing interesting enough has happened in the last few days that would be half way interesting to write about. I am getting ready to prepare for a study I have to lead tonight at 20somethings on Homosexuality. To a group of Christians this wouldn't usually be a very controversal topic, however, I lead the 'new comers' group which is usually full of people from a variety of backgrounds of religion or lack there of. Tonight will be a stretch of the comfort zone for me. They gave me some great resources to pull from and hopefully they will come in handy tonight. If anyone is interested: www.probe.org/docs/homo-q&a.html or www.probe.org/docs/ex-gay.html or www.probe.org/menus/wp-marriage.html (scroll down half way to find 'homosexuality.  

Tonight I may be actually be forced to go to bed at a decent hour. My friend Jeanne who is a missionary in Bulgaria is in the states for a short time and was able to come up and visit for the evening. We had a great time and I'm really glad she made it up to see me. Then we got hit by some nasty storms and she got very tired waiting them out so she is asleep on the couch and I don't have a whole lot of options. It is a good thing, because I have been wearing myself out lately. Tonight is a great night to lay in bed and hear the thunder and the rain falling on the roof while drifting off to sleep. Its one of those nights you look forward to the storms.  

I love this new program 'Hello' . Now I can add pictures, I'm very excited. I knew it was only a matter of time. Not like I needed another instant messanger tool to mess arond with but hey, I'm not complaining. So far it seems fast and easy. I just downloaded, attached the picture, and posted in about 3 minutes. (Thank God for DSL :)  

Chrissy and Me at her Wedding. 

Pictures as promised...

Wedding pictures can be found Here!

And Another One Bites The Dust...

Another day, another single friend lost forever...Chrissy got married today to Chris Miller, now my 2 best friends from home are both married and both have the last name Miller. Funny how that worked out huh? The guys aren't related but both grew up in the same town...strange...
The wedding was outside and it was FREEZING! It may have been 55 but with the wind it felt like 48 and we were in the shade. Our dresses were strapless and did not help the situation at all. Luckily it was quick and we lost feeling after about 15-20 minutes.
It was a wonderful wedding, Chrissy looked beautiful as always and it made me yet again realize how single I was. I can't wait to get back to the city where my realization fades as soon as I get any where near the vicinity of Lincoln park. I feel very blessed to be fortunate enough to live where I live and it will only get better as it gets warmer.

I should have some pictures up tomorrow.

Pea's in the Corn Fields

This afternoon I attended my friends wedding rehearsal in Merriville, Indiana at a banquet hall on the outskirts just before you hit the corn fields of Indiana. When we arrived there were several semi's and big tour buses in the parking lot. I knew that Merriville High School was to have their prom there later on that night. What I didn't know was that MTV was going to be there filming it all. Apparently some girl from MHS had won an MTV contest to have MTV follow her around to film her prom experience. While it was apparent that something was going to be different at this prom...the excitement of the trucks, notices posted that if you enter the building you will be video taped, just a buzz around the building. As we stood in the lobby of the hall trying to stay out of the rain before the rehearsal (which was outside), 4 or 5 large African Americans were headed toward the doors...something was different here and I couldn't decide what it was...while the older crowd clutched their purses a little tighter...I joked to watch out and make way for 50 cents...I noticed the first guy with security badages around his neck and everything else went so quickly as they were wisked away to a side room...okay I thought...I think I should know who that was...Michael Brady to the rescue...it was a memeber of The Black Eyed Peas...Mtv brought them along to perform at the Prom...I can only imagine what he was thinking as he walked through the lobby with a bunch of middle classed white people who were clearly looking at him like a) a hoodlum or b) ignoring his presence...he was probably laughing inside at the room of crackers who had no idea who he was. Little did everyone know...

Quarter Life Crisis = Obvious Inability To Find Your Own Boyfriend

So apparently another symptom of turning 25 is that no one thinks you will be able to find a mate on your own. So they kindly take matters in their own hands..neighbors, friends, kids of friends, people they've met at the gym, a waiter on my parents cruise, 80's Dave (after all he did just get rid of his mullet)...I get all kinds of offers. A friend of mine went so low to create me an online personal without me knowing it. How sad is it that that is even possible? She thought it inappropriate to converse with guys so she let me in on the secret. I refuse to reply to any of the messages that I have been getting...try as she might, I am not meeting a guy over an online dating service...no thanks. I understand that in 25 years, my attempts have been weak and unsuccessful...even a bit pathetic in a few cases. I'm on my way to turning into one of those people that you have to think something is wrong with them to still be single...cause its not possible that they just couldn't have found the right one...GASP!

Do you ever wonder what things would be like if you died?

I'm not being morbid...and I'm not talking about what would happen to your soul. I think we all know where that's going. I'm talking about what will would happen here on Earth...right here right now. Who would come to the funeral? I wonder who's tears would be real...like the sobbing kind. Or if my ex-boyfriends would care. I don't even start to imagine what my family would go through...That's not really what I'm talking about. I'm talking about those people in your life...that you're not really sure where you stand...those people. How much difference did you make in their lives? What would they do w/ your desk at work if you were tragically taken...clear your stuff obviously but who would be the first to take it over? Who would get your stuff? I'm not on this Earth to please man and I can't say I think about this often but there are times when I wonder...

God is talkin but sometimes what I hear is jumbled...

National Day of prayer was yesterday and for the first time I fasted. I debated posting about it because I don't want to make a big deal about it but I feel the need to write about some stuff that I think is coming from that. It was not an easy thing for me. I am blessed with headaches..horrible ones. So I didn't think I could make it through the day w/o one. But I did, he is gracious. Yesterday was not easy at work...I had a hard time concentrating and I had a big deadline in less then 24 hours. So busy at work that I did not get to take my lunch which I had planned as God time. I know its hardly an excuse but for the life of me I could not get a way. So I went straight home and prayed...and read...and prayed some more. Woh Colossians kicked my tale a bit. There is so much in that book that I had needed to hear and didn't want to admit. Why I picked Colassians? I feel it cheesey to say that God led me there but I don't have a better answer. So as I read I felt like I needed to continuously read it over and over. But I felt like the still small voice was missing for a few things I really wanted answers for yesterday. I know it's his timing and not mine but I was confident he was going to spell it out for me...today things happened today that only added to my confusion...was he testing me? Challanging me to remain steadfast and faithful, to continue listening for him even if it hurts. I don't know...so I sit...and try to be quiet...but the silence is so...silent.

Currently Reading...

I almost hate to post what I am currently reading...because when I say what it is you're gonna think that i'm 'that girl' and I'm not. I feel like I need to preface it with the reasons I am reading this book. First of all, some of the guys in the 20somethings group I go to have read it and love the book...make references to it like its some secret boy book. Second of all, I had a good guy friend of mine tell me I needed to read it. So I picked it up and now am having a hard time putting it down. The book is called 'Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man's Soul' by John Eldredge, written aimed at guys...but has been a real eye opener for me...growing up in a house of dominating woman...my poor father lost his spirit a bit. We sucked it out of him...reading this book may save any male that comes in my life from doing the same. I post this for one reason...because if I was a guy...I would have wanted some one to tell me to pick this book up. To read it and regain the lost spirit...even if you don't think its gone.

Friends...is it over yet?

If I have to hear ..."I'll be there for you..." one more time, I may lose my mind. I am fan of Friends...have been for the last 10 years but you can not even turn NBC on without hearing that theme song...over and over and over. It's one of those that never leaves...I'm pretty sure I'll be singing it for 10 more years.

I have had my newest 'big' purchase for 7 days now. The "Ionic Breeze" air purifiers. For a little under 500 dollars you too can be the proud owner of clean air. I will say they have pulled a lot of things of dust and what not out of the air and has made my place have a fresh sort of sense in the air. However it is a bit sad I have to pay money for clean air.

Don't forget Mother's Day on Sunday.

Has Hell Frozen Over?

Wow...what a week. First the minister that has been at my home church resigned after about 15 years..a total shocker to everyone in the congregation. To make matters worse, he's going to another church down the road. Today, the head of my division...the big man...the leader of the boys club, resigned...is going to a major competitor...and they are replacing him with a WOMAN! GASP! Triple shocker! And to top it all off they fired the guy that sleeps (and snores mind you) in his chair all day. Apparently you can only sleep all day for 15 years before you get the boot.

Jazz Hands!

So I had this new male interest. I have been talking to him the past couple of weeks. There was always something about him that I could never put my finger on. He was very sweet, very understanding, very encouraging..very unmale like. While I talked and talked about different things going on with me and I watched him sympathize and nod his head compassionately...i realize he wears A LOT of Abercrombie..now I hate to make assumptions about males wearing Abercrombie...but I live next door to an Abercrombie...I see what comes in and out of there. He's a pretty good dresser too...and all of the sudden it starts to come together. Understanding..sweet...Abercrombie...my love interests come to a screeching halt...he's has to be Gay...now that I think about it...often times when I am talking to him I feel like he may give me the...'Jazz Hands'...he's very show choirish...I hear the little voice in the back of my head saying...'Just Jack' and suddenly I can not look at my love interest in the same way. I have lost a great deal of attraction. I hate to judge people or make assumptions but I think I'm right about this one.

Rainy Saturdays!

I love rainy Saturdays. This past Saturday was one of them. After a late night I got out of bed at 11 only to find my cable was out. Which I was NOT to happy about to say the least. I decided to download a movie off the internet...ahh the wonderful world of technology. After watching that I took a nap until 3, put on the velour sweat suit to walk to Micky D's...the fact is that if I wasn't craving a cheese burger I probably would have never gotten dressed. I did eventually clean up a little, got my summer clothes out, worked on the T-shirt quilt I am starting on...so it wasn't a total waste. It was one of the most relaxing days I've had in a long time and I think they are needed every once in a while.
I blame it all on the fact that my parents left me. They are on a cruise for their 30th wedding anniversary. My dad didn't want to be the third wheel so I wasn't allowed to go and I'm not happy about it. Such is life I guess.

"Where's everyone like you tonight?"

Tonight I went dancing again. Let me explain the swing dance scene here. First of all, from the first time I went out dancing I have always aspired to be one of the great dancers (heck I'd settle for good) I see dancing up a storm. There are some unbelievable dancers here. When you go out swing dancing you can definitely tell who the regulars are, who the wanna be's are, the newbee's, and who's not from around here. I have really improved my dancing over the past 2 years and don't really know where I fit in the scene. I don't know where other dancers place me nor where I place myself. Tonight there was clearly a guy from out of town, initial assessments were that he was a decent dancer but definitely not one who is from around here (all of this before he ever hits the dance floor)...by now I know enough to tell the different swing styles, the different look, and familiar faces usually at first glance. So when he does hit the floor I do see that he knows what he is doing and that he is probably an active dancer where ever he is from. Half way through the night he asks me to dance. We chat while dancing (which I will admit is much harder then chewing gum and walking...I am sure I will never master the art). I find out he's from DC. He then says something to me that may have been the biggest compliment I have ever received about my dancing...the crowd was a little thin tonight b/c of the rain and he says, "Where's everyone like you tonight?"...to those reading this you are waiting for the other shoe to fall, but you have already missed it. He asked ME, where everyone like ME was tonight...meaning the good dancers....meaning that he catergorized me with the good dancers...me. Wow!