Relationship Phobia...

I just got home from dancing...my legs were sore, from my little jog yesterday, when I went...after I started dancing I forgot about it...after I sat down for 30 minutes in the car on the way home I could hardly move them...I have blisters on both of my big toes and I'm pretty sure I will not be able to get out of bed in the morning.
My friend Noel analyzed my relationships on our way home tonight. Why people have decided to do this lately I am not sure...is it because I'm 25 now? On my way to 'Old Maidem'? I'm not sure but this has happened twice this month. This time it was actually pretty insightful. Noel and I are friends from swing dancing...we don't talk about deep relationship issues...we dance...and we aren't dancing...we are talking about dancing. So why was tonight different? Noel gave me a ride tonight..so we actually sat in the car for 20 minutes...and you can only talk about dancing for so long! On our way home he said something about...weren't you like dating a guy in Tulsa?...why yes, I did, how did he know that?...apparently he had heard from a friend of a friend...and in all honesty he had guessed Tulsa. His first question to me was...Why do you continue to sabotage your relationships?...WOH...What is he talking about? He doesn't even know about any of my relationships. He asked me what my phobia was with relationships? BACK THE BUS UP...HOLD THE PHONE...why would he think I have relationship phobias?
He replies that I was clearly sabotaging the relationship with the guy in Tulsa...why date a guy in Tulsa...because I knew deep down it wouldn't work. He said it was safe...he was right. He asked me how long my longest relationship was...I said 10 months...he laughs...a lot...hysterically. He says I'm 25 and my longest relationship is 10 months?!?! I thought that was long. Now he is sure I have relationship phobias. He asked me if my parents were still together and how their relationship was or is...they are and its great. This stumps him for a while. I tell him that maybe that's why...because I feel loved and so don't find it that great of a need to find love...he isn't sure. He asked me if I was spoiled...I guess I was a bit spoiled. He asked me how my relationship was with my dad...great, awesome, my dad's a great guy, we get a long, we hang out...he comes to his first of many conclusion:
1. Know that no one is going to be just like your dad. Everyone has their own faults. Everyone is their own person. Don't let this hurt a perfectly good relationship or hinder the possibilities of a relationship.

Fine, I will admit I have compared guys to my dad in the past.

2. Stop sabotaging relationships! Don't start ones that I know won't work out. Stop wasting my time with people in other states...with people with different views on the important stuff. Don't think are going to change or get better. Don't put myself in or sabotage relationships from the get go.

Some how my 'standards' come up. He thinks that a person like me is likely to have standards that are too high. Not that high standards are bad he said...but that:

3. I need to remember that no one is perfect. That we all have our own faults (even if we don't like to admit them).

Okay...I'll go along with that. Although I think I already knew this and I don't really think my standards are to high. We continue to talk about past relationships. At this point many of the puzzle pieces start to come together to him. Why, in my 25 years, have I never asked anyone one(besides once in High School but we both agreed it didn't count)out? Why do I let opportunities past me by to tell people how I really feel? Why haven't I learned from the past that this hurts me? Waiting, hoping that they will do it first so I don't have to?

4. I am afraid of rejection. I have a serious case of rejection phobia on top of the relationship phobia. This could be due to the fact that I was spoiled growing up. I am use to having what I want. I am intimidated by men. I fear that when I am straight forward and upfront that I will be rejected, so instead of setting myself up, I avoid it at all costs.

Noel tells me next time I'm interested, that I shouldn't be afraid to let them know. What's the worst thing that can happen...and that I need to remember that if/when they do say 'no'...they aren't really saying no to me...they are just saying that I am not their 'preference'.

All this in a car trip home. He majored in psychology or took psychology class or something too...and I could tell, he was very insightful on the limited knowledge of my past relationships...and he didn't even charge me! He also said that I probably won't ask anyone one out in the near future...he's probably right...but being aware of the issues in the first place is half the battle. Its a lot to digest. I think he really did make some great observations for knowing nothing about my past relationships. If nothing else he gave me some 'food for thought'.